Archive | June, 2012

‘And in that short bus ride…I was the spinster lady with thirty cats and a dodgy perm’

12 Jun

Couples. When your single and going to parties, events or any social activity, being surrounded by loving couples can be an unpleasant reminder of your own single status. I have come to find it as my own personal hell on earth scenario, as most of my girlfriends begin to pair off. Don’t get me wrong, I get on well with all my girlfriends partners and think the world of them, but at the same time being the one in a large group of twos, makes me ever so slightly uneasy.

Ironically, I enjoy being single. I don’t have to compromise, I do whatever I want and consider no partner in my plans or decisions. I’m not tied to anyone , I can flirt with the random cute guy or laugh at the funny guys jokes, without feeling guilt or recrimination. A bit selfish maybe, but I enjoy not having to fit another person and all their needs, problems and considerations into my life. (God knows I have enough of my own to deal with!)

Although of course I miss out on sharing the joy and the fun of having a partner, instead I receive that from a close group of friends, so rarely do I ever feel bereft of anything. However there is nothing like being trapped in an enclosed space with a group of very vocally happy, sickeningly loved up couples, to accentuate your singleness, and instantly all the positive aspects of being single are forgotten. That junk email you got from Match.com and E-Harmony that you laughed at earlier, now seems the only chance you have of not ending up a spinster, adopting forty cats, giving them baby names and leaving them money in your will.

My new role model?

I had an experience recently that made me start considering names for the day when inevitably, I would adopt thirty cats and buy a large pushchair for them….

Getting the bus into town (yes still haven’t passed my driving test, major pain in the butt) to meet up for a coffee and chat with my trusty rant companion Kayla, I found myself not for the first time in the aforementioned hellish scenario!

I didn’t notice it at first, but when I reached into my bag rummaging for my Ipod, I looked up finding in the virtually empty bus a couple one row ahead, enjoying a very aggressive make out session. Raising my eyebrows but willing to overlook this public display of affection, which would have been more at home in a motel room, I shifted in my seat to change view, encountering a couple opposite me nuzzling eachothers necks. Uncomfortable….

Another few stops whizzed by and some school kids got on, I experienced a sense of relief at the alleviation of the awkward feeling that my presence on this bus was interrupting some sort of double date, I relaxed until they began sitting on eachothers laps tickling eachother loudly. Silently I cursed my luck at getting on the only bus in the UK doubling as some sort of love shack, I looked to my phone for distraction only to find Facebook littered with ‘me and my man’ statuses.

Suddenly, at the ripe old age of twenty two I found myself feeling like a bitter old age spinster with a dodgy perm (my hair doesn’t do well in the damp) sitting on a bus watching ‘the young people.’

Irritation rising, I tried to avert my eyes to more PG scenery, my temper only increasing when the poor innocent old man who smelt of talcum powder chose to sit next to me rather than occupy the other dozen empty seats on the bus from hell. I guess he was thinking strength in numbers, so me and my new friend endured the rest of the journey in companionable silence. Thinking that my bus journey was hardly going to put me in a good mood for a nice catch up with a friend, I wondered how good a quality of company I was going to be. But stepping out, walking past people going about their business, couples, singles, kids, my ‘the whole sodding world is coupled up’ paranoia faded. The saying ‘when your single all you see is happy couples’ had nothing on this experience! Yet when I think about it whether on the bus or not at all, the positive aspects of being single remain, it was just paranoia, and there’s no point me having a boyfriend for having a boyfriends sake, I simply haven’t met the person meant to be mine yet. Until then I am open to it happening, yet happy to go on as I am.

Dating someone you know is all wrong for you, because you don’t want to be alone is a poor substitute. As I saw on my friend Jordan’s Facebook page the other day ‘why settle for just ok?’  (I thought it made a lot of sense)

Theres a line of a song I just love ‘inside is not a heart but a kaleidoscope ‘ it reminds me that there are a lot of colours to life, and love is only one of them that has the ability to make you happy. For some of us, it just takes longer to find the right colour, and in the meantime we have a lot of other colours to explore. 

So if your having a day like mine, where you look around and all you see is what you haven’t got, remember how happy you were five minutes ago before you saw it, and all the other things you have going for you!

As for me…personally I can’t wait for the day when I can drive and afford a car, because I don’t ever think I will be a fan of public transport, and just in case things don’t work out for me…well lets just say its lucky I already like cats.

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