Stir Crazy

26 Jul

‘Depressed graduate commits suicide’ was one of the articles I read today on the Chinese version of ‘The Times’ online news website. A girl of 21 had drowned herself in a ditch because she was so ashamed of being unemployed after 6 months of leaving university, after reading it I can’t deny that I had a long hard think about where I would be in six months time and how I would feel if I found myself in the same position as her.

I admit that I have basically gone stir crazy from being unemployed, at first the time off from university was a novelty, it gave me some time to visit friends I haven’t seen in years, have that very overdue clean out of all my junk (suffice to say the charity shops in my area are a lot more full now I have returned) but after doing everything I felt I had missed out on after being so busy at university, within two weeks…I’ve quickly become bored.

I’ve sent out at least one hundred applications for dream jobs…that seem as distant and exotic and beyond me as a Caribbean holiday (which I can assure you is beyond me at this point) and I’ve also sent off at least one hundred applications for temp jobs, to keep my bank balance in positive figures. Two hundred applications and only two interviews later, I’m still part of the unemployed masses.

Its only been a month and I feel that sense of hopelessness creeping up on me.

What if its not the recession…but me?

How will I be able to cope if I’m still unemployed in six months time?

What if I’m just not good enough?

Why am I the last one of my friends and fellow classmates not employed?

and of course the most dreaded question that I don’t even dare to speak to aloud…

What if I simply fit the criteria of unemployable?

These are just some of the thoughts that are keeping me awake at night and gripped with fear!

I try to console myself with the fact that these things take time and that rejection for jobs is something that pretty much everyone out there has a degree of experience in! But more and more I find myself relating to that poor girl as each day passes, feeling more and more ashamed of not being employed…not even being able to find a temp job! Thinking of employment now as a form of validation for me as a person.

But now I’m trying to reprogramme my brain away from that kind of thought process because it only leads to drastic action…the kind of action that she felt forced into taking. So to myself and to everyone out there as well I think I can only say the clichéd ‘don’t give up hope’ but I will also finish with ‘don’t give up on yourself.’


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: